Etiquette in Asia

Etiquette in Asia is different in each country, even though some actions look similar. Etiquette is a set of rules, customs, or codes guiding socially acceptable behavior. No guide about manners or list of mistakes can ever be complete. People see behaviors in different ways, so it is very important to understand different cultures. Not knowing the customs and what people expect in Asia can make someone seem rude, silly, or disrespectful, even if they mean well.

Asian etiquette often shows "respect," "good manners," and "filial piety" (which means respect for parents and elders). These manners are strongly influenced by Chinese culture.^[1][2][3]

People in Bangladesh are quiet and follow many rules. Even though some customs can change, some things stay the same, like respecting older people and caring about family. Young people always show respect to elders. It is rude for young people to speak directly or strongly to older people. Also, looking too long into an elder’s eyes is seen as bad manners.^[4]

Bangladeshis are modest and do not like too much praise.^[4] Giving too much praise can seem fake and may upset people. Religion is very important and affects manners. For example, a man should not shake hands with a woman unless she offers her hand first. Religion and social rules decide what is okay and what is not.^[5]

In business, manners are like in other Asian countries. People do not speak too directly about their ideas or opinions.^[6]

Etiquette in Brunei is similar to Malaysia.

Eating is very important in Chinese culture. Eating out is a common way to welcome guests, meet friends, and build relationships. Chinese dining manners are similar to those in Korea and Japan, but with some differences. Usually, food is shared by everyone at the table. Small groups may sit at square or rectangular tables, but large groups prefer round tables. At formal dinners, there is a special seating order based on age and rank. The most important seat is for the host or the oldest person, usually in the center facing east or the door. People use chopsticks instead of forks and knives.^[7] In most Chinese restaurants, you don’t need to tip unless it says so. Tea is almost always served before or right after you sit down. You should say "谢谢" (xiexie), meaning "thank you," to the person pouring the tea.^[8]

Ancient Chinese Sacrificial Rituals

Sacrifice is an old ritual in China and is very important. It was part of the ancient Chinese ritual system and was the most important of five rituals. People used to offer sacrifices to heaven, earth, and humans. Later, this became the "three sacrifices": to heaven and earth, to ancestors, and to wise people. The Qingming Festival (Tomb Sweeping Day) is the biggest ceremony to honor ancestors and has deep cultural meaning.^[15]

Today, sacrifices are often done during tomb sweeping. People bring wine, food, fruit, and paper money to the graves of their relatives. They offer the food, burn the paper money, cover the grave with fresh soil, and place green branches on the tomb. Then they bow and pray, and finally, they eat and drink before going home.^[16]

Etiquette in India is similar to its South and Southeast Asian neighbours, however, there are some differences across the country.^[18] Greetings often involve saying "Namaste" with hands pressed together in front of the chest.^[19] It is polite to remove your shoes before entering someone's home or a temple.^[19] Respect for elders is very important. Younger people may touch the feet of elders as a sign of respect.^[19] Using the right hand for eating, giving, or receiving things is important. The left hand is used for personal hygiene, so it is considered unclean.^[19]

Indonesia is a large tropical country made up of many islands with many different cultures. Each ethnic group has its own traditions, language, and sometimes religion with different rules. This makes Indonesia a mix of many different customs that can change from place to place. Indonesia shares many manners with other Southeast Asian countries. Since most people in Indonesia are Muslim, some manners from the Middle East are also followed.

Here are some important manners in Indonesia:^[20]

1. Always be careful to protect other people’s dignity. It is very rude to shame or embarrass someone in public.^[21]
2. Always use your right hand when shaking hands, giving or receiving gifts, eating, pointing, or touching someone.^[21]

Japanese customs and manners can be very complicated and sometimes hard to understand. When people from other countries make mistakes, some Japanese may feel upset because their expectations about manners are not met, even if they know the mistakes are from not knowing better.

• When giving or receiving business cards, use both hands. Look at the card carefully and show respect, then place it on the table during the meeting. After the meeting, keep the card carefully and never put it in your back pocket. Do not write on business cards. To be taken seriously in business, always carry cards in a cardholder, not in your pocket.^[22]
• When someone offers a gift, do not accept it right away. The giver will usually offer it several times (about three). Gifts are usually not opened in front of the giver.^[23]
• When greeting or thanking someone, a person with lower status should bow lower than the other person. But foreigners are not expected to bow. How deep and long the bow is depends on age, status, and other things.^[24]
• Pouring soy sauce on rice is unusual in Japan.
• People usually do not pour their own drinks at social events. Instead, one person pours for the other, and the other person pours back. If one person drinks from a bottle to a glass and the other only from a glass, it is okay to pour your own drink.^[24]
• Blowing your nose in public is rude. Also, Japanese people do not use handkerchiefs for nose blowing.^[24]
• For women, not wearing makeup or a bra may be seen as unprofessional or careless.^[24]
• Even though many Japanese are kind to foreigners, it is rude not to use polite language and honorifics when speaking Japanese to someone with higher status. The honorific "san" can be used in English but never when talking about yourself. Japanese usually say the family name first and the given name second, but sometimes they switch it for Westerners.
• A smile or laughter from a Japanese person may mean they feel nervous or uncomfortable, not always happy.^[24]
• Tipping is not common in Japan and can be seen as rude, except in some cases like tipping a surgeon, staying at a fancy inn (ryokan), or paying movers. It is good to ask locals what is okay. If you don’t want your change, you can tell a taxi driver to keep it.^[24]
• In Japanese cremation rituals, family members use chopsticks to pick bones from ashes. Two people may hold the same bone with chopsticks at the same time. This is the only time it is okay for two people to hold the same thing with chopsticks. At other times, passing or holding something together with chopsticks reminds people of funerals and is considered rude.

Here are some important etiquette guides for Korea. The number 4 is seen as unlucky, so you should not give gifts in groups of 4. Giving 7 of something is thought to be lucky.^[25] Blowing your nose at the table, even if the food is spicy, is a little rude. If you need to blow your nose, it’s better to go to the bathroom or do it quietly.^[26]

In restaurants and bars, it is rude to pour your own drink. Watch your friends’ glasses and fill them when they are empty; they will do the same for you. To avoid drinking too much, you can leave your glass almost full. When pouring drinks, hold the bottle with your right hand and gently support your right arm with your left hand near the elbow. If someone with much higher status pours you a drink, it is polite to turn away from them when you drink.^[24]

Couples kissing in public is considered rude because it is not seen as modest.

Here are some important etiquette guides for Malaysia:

• It is rude to wear shoes inside a house. People usually take off their shoes outside and leave them by the door.
• When shaking hands with elders like parents, grandparents, or teachers, younger people show respect by touching the elder's palm with the tip of their nose or forehead. This is like kissing the hand but using the nose or forehead instead of lips. This is common among Malays or Malaysian Muslims and is called "Salam." It is rude not to do this when visiting or being visited.
• Showing affection, like kissing your partner or spouse in public, is seen as improper because it is not modest or respectful.
• People usually eat with their right hand.
• When giving something to others, use your right hand or both hands, not the left hand.
• Girls should dress modestly and avoid wearing revealing clothes.
• In Malaysia, Malays, Chinese, and Indians all try to keep "face", which means avoiding shame in public and private. You lose face by criticizing, insulting, causing shame, or showing anger. You save face by staying calm, polite, and using body language to say "no' instead of saying it directly.
• People who are a little older are called "kak" (older sister) for girls and "abang" (older brother) for boys. "Adik" means younger sibling for both boys and girls. For much older people or married people with children, "makcik" (aunty) or "pakcik" (uncle) is used. It is polite to call people by these names instead of their first names, even if they are not family.^[27]
• When greeting a Malaysian ruler or royal family member, press your palms together and bow slightly to show respect.
• It is important to use the right titles when talking to people. For example, call a teacher "Cikgu," and someone with an honorary title "Datuk." If you are not sure, call a man "Encik" (Mister), a woman "Puan" (Mrs. or Miss), or "Cik" (Miss).
• The head is sacred and should not be touched by hand.
• Feet are seen as unclean. Do not point your feet at people or things, and do not show the soles of your feet to others when sitting on the floor.
• When pointing at someone, use your thumb. Pointing with your index finger is rude in Malaysia.
• To call someone over, wave your hand down with your palm facing the ground. It is rude to wave with your palm facing up.
• Never say "Oi!" to call someone.
• When talking to elders, bosses, or teachers, do not use informal words like "aku" (me) or "kau" (you). Use "saya" instead. Using "aku" and "kau" with parents or teachers is rude because it treats them like equals.

In cities of Sindh and other parts of Pakistan, men and women usually greet each other by lowering their head and raising their hand to their forehead. This is called the "adab" gesture and is used instead of shaking hands. To show respect, when a man greets a woman who is younger or about the same age, he gently places his hand on the top of her head. Women often hug each other as a sign of respect, whether they know each other or not. They also politely invite guests to sit down and offer food or drinks, even if the guest does not plan to eat or drink.

The Philippines has a special way of showing manners that comes from many influences. Three hundred years of Spanish rule and 48 years of American rule, plus ideas from Japan, China, India, the Middle East, and the West, have mixed with the original local customs. This created a unique and very formal style of manners, especially for social events, respect for family, and public behavior. Age is very important in Filipino society. It decides how people show respect, who goes first, and what titles they use.

In Singapore, which used to be a British colony, many manners and rules from Western countries are followed.^[28]

The people of Thailand respect their king and the Royal Family very much. Showing disrespect to them can lead to jail because of a law called "lèse-majesté". Some people have been arrested for saying bad things about the Royal Family.^[29]

Things with the king’s picture on them, like money, stamps, or magazine covers, should never be thrown on the ground or treated badly. Even licking the back of a stamp is seen as rude. These items should never be stepped on because putting your foot above the king’s head is very disrespectful. If money or other things fall on the ground by accident, you should pick them up right away and gently clean them instead of stepping on them to stop them from rolling away.^[30]

In Thailand, the head is very special and should not be touched by hand.^[31] Feet are seen as unclean. You should not point at people or things with your feet, and when sitting on the floor, you should not show the soles of your feet to others.^[32]

In Turkey family members and friends use the word "sen" (you, singular) when talking to each other. Adults also use "sen" when speaking to children. In formal situations, like meeting new people, business, or with customers and coworkers, people use "siz" (you, plural) almost all the time. In very formal cases, "sizler" (double plural you) is used to show great respect. Sometimes, verbs are changed to third person plural form (without using the pronoun) to show very high respect.

For commands, there are three forms:

1. "sen" form for informal (one person)
2. "siz" form for formal (more than one person or polite)
3. "sizler" form for very formal (rarely used)

For example, the verb "gelmek" (to come) has these forms:

1. gel (informal)
2. gelin (formal)
3. geliniz (very formal)

Turkish honorifics (titles) usually come after the first name. They show gender or social status, like:

• Name Bey (Mr.)
• Name Hanım (Ms.)
• Name Hoca (teacher or religious leader)

These are used in both formal and informal situations. A newer title is "Sayın," which goes before the last name or full name and is not for a specific gender. It is used in very formal situations, like "Sayın Name Surname."

People do not wear shoes inside the house to keep the floor clean from dirt or dust. Shoes are taken off before entering and left outside or in a shoe cabinet. People often wear slippers inside, or just socks in informal places. There are special slippers for the bathroom to keep it clean. Some people believe it is bad luck to open umbrellas indoors, so they close umbrellas before coming inside. Passing a knife or scissors directly to someone is also thought to bring bad luck. These beliefs are common especially among older people.

Hosts usually ask guests to keep eating. You don’t have to eat a lot, but you should try a little of everything and say nice things about the food. If someone offers food or help, they usually offer more than once. It is polite to say no the first time to avoid trouble. If you are invited to dinner, it is polite to bring something, usually dessert. Don’t bring alcohol unless you know the host drinks it. If you bring food or drinks, offer them at the right time during the visit. Before starting to eat, wait for the oldest people to begin first. But when drinking water, younger people can go first. Blowing your nose at the table is rude and makes people uncomfortable, even if you have a cold. Sniffing is also rude. It is best to go to the bathroom to clear your nose.

Avoid hand signs you don’t know because some can be rude or offensive. Also, don’t comment on the looks of someone’s wife or female family members because it can be rude. Friends greet each other by shaking hands and sometimes touching or kissing one or both cheeks. This is not okay in business. It is usually disrespectful to sit with crossed legs near parents, grandparents, or teachers. When sitting with crossed legs, don’t point your foot at someone, especially older or important people. Showing the bottom of your shoes or feet is also rude. Couples kissing in public is not polite in more traditional areas because it is not seen as modest.

All over Turkey, people observe one minute of silence at 9:05 am on November 10. This is to remember Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, the founder of Turkey.^[33][34]